


Stay In My Life

by palmfairy1122



Series: with you until the end [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bittersweet, Drama, Heavy Angst, M/M, Not very graphic depiction of violence, Romance, Tragedy, use of guns, zombie apocalypse AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-24 19:56:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palmfairy1122/pseuds/palmfairy1122
Summary: Jihoon learned from the end of the world that hope was a cruel,cruelthing. He learned that to hope meant to set his heart on fire and burn what's left of the world with it. But when he held Soonyoung's hand in this world where they race against death, he learned that hope was cruel, but it was okay. Everything was going to be okay.





	Stay In My Life

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that one specific costume on Seventeen's Halloween Vlive. You know which one.
> 
> This is the second part of the zombie apocalypse au series, but you don't need to read the first story to understand this one. The [first story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16471760) is heavily soonhoon and it talked about how the boys survived the first wave of the outbreak, and how they were thriving since then. It's a lot lighter compared to this story... so maybe if you want to brace yourselves, you can read that one first. :>

Hope.

The most dangerous notion in that day and age. There was no use thinking... believing something else was waiting for them in the God-forsaken world. There was nothing else besides the dead reaching for bodies to eat, looking for skin to bite into, killing the living and transforming them into something worse than death. There was nothing else to hope for. Nothing better waiting for them.

That was what Jihoon believed before Soonyoung held his hand as they ran through the world where they should have already been dead. Jihoon would look at the rest of his family, and the sight of all thirteen of them alive and fighting for days of survival made him want to hope. He wanted to have something better for his family. He wanted something other than the dull cycle of sleeping, waking up, and running from place to place to survive. He wanted life and color and laughter and love.

He wanted peace more than anything else in the world.

The tall walls that surrounded them when then found the community was overwhelming. Andromeda, the place was called, a former military base, now made into a safe zone for the survivors of the outbreak. It was smaller now, the townsfolk said, since a smaller community was easier to protect than a larger one. But they welcomed the thirteen boys all the same. They showed them love and support that the boys were deprived of for so long that they were suspicious of everything the very first days.

Days turned to weeks and weeks to months, and the boys finally found their place in Andromeda. Their skills from their long time outside the wall were put to use when they were assigned the first line of defense. They took this work with pride and honor. Their family expanded, and their promise to protect everyone they loved stood strong. With the thirteen of them, their strong bond of brotherhood, and their cunning from their time in the world of the dead, they were unstoppable.

They were doing well.

They did not just survive anymore. They lived, and they enjoyed. They had a life besides the one the dead was supposed to take from them. And they had each other.

They had been doing so well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Where's Jeonghan hyung?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two days ago, it was a repeated question that the two other eldest of the team were hurt and skeptic to respond to. Two days later, they finally had an answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_BANG!_

 

The gunshot was the first and only shot fired even when Andromeda's back wall was littered with bodies of the undead. It rang through Jihoon's soul so much, he might as well be the one that had been shot. And yet he still couldn't believe his eyes even as he screamed when the body crumpled in Seungcheol's arms.

Seungcheol had aimed his revolver at the lone zombie left from the crowd that attacked the wall when Hiphop team was on watch. Jihoon stared as his leader shook, using two arms to lift the gun, both shaking so bad it looked difficult to keep it steadily trained on the zombie's head. Tears streamed down his face as he placed a finger on the trigger. The monster regarded him for a while, waiting, before it took a step forward, then another, and then another, wobbling in steps crippled by death.

It wasn't always monster. _He_ wasn't a monster. He had once been an angel with the most beautiful smile and laughter that sang with a tickling melody. His arms generous with hugs that chased nightmares away.  His heart filled with so much love, it overflowed even when he had given everything.

"Jeonghan-hyung."

The name tasted like a dream. For the first time in a long time, Jihoon was visited by the image of the view from the stage alight with tiny little stars that danced to the beat of their songs. Of the times that even when his body hurt from dancing too much, his heart was warm from the love he received from their fans they called Carats. It reminded Jihoon of dreams of a life they used to have, and of a life they will never have again.

It tasted bitter and unfamiliar. It reminded Jihoon that nothing about the dream was real. That even in the peace that surrounded them and the tall walls of their small community, the name reminded him that everything he had can and will be taken from him. That even the small serenity and happiness he felt in the end of the world were temporary, and life was kind enough to pull him quickly out of that delusion. Quick, and yet, painful. Excruciatingly. Torturously. Mercilessly painful.

It reminded him that hope was a dangerous,  _dangerous_ thing.

Somehow, at the sound of his name, Jeonghan turned his head to look at Jihoon, and air was knocked out of him at the sight of paleness of what used to be the brown and gold of his eyes. His colors were washed out, like a photograph that withered under the gaze of the sun, and when Jihoon looked for the familiar warmth in his eyes his hyung loved giving him, there was nothing. No light. No sparkle. No emotion.

Dead.

Like he was.

Seungcheol released a wail, a broken cry, a plea to the heavens that closed off their doors from them. And Jeonghan, a broken angel, responded immediately to the sound, tearing his gaze from Jihoon to Seungcheol, his jaw snapping fast and angry, his feet impatient, his thin arms reaching for a body to mangle.

Then the gunshot.

_BANG!_

Jihoon ran to where Seungcheol was to take Jeonghan in his own arms. The shot was clean and perfect from the back of his skull, leaving an ugly hole at the center of Jeonghan's forehead. There was no blood, the dead had nothing left to bleed with, and the muscles underneath were scorched black.

Jihoon still cradled Jeonghan's head with as much care as he could, his sobs spilling carelessly around him, and there were echoes of the sound, as if the angels came down to mourn with him.

He was shaking and had not stopped since Vernon woke him up from where he was buried under the sheets with Soonyoung's fingers laced with his. His first reaction was embarrassment and then annoyance, but one word from Vernon and all he felt was the cold kiss of dread washing sleep off his eyes.

 _"_ _Jeonghan-hyung._ _"_

Jihoon almost slapped away all the hands that tried to hold Jeonghan, until he remembered that he wasn't alone in his mourning. That he had friends, brothers who loved Jeonghan as he did.

No one flinched at the sight of the open wounds all over Jeonghan's body, all of them touching a part of him all at the same time: his hand, his arm, his chest, his leg, and even just the hem of the red sweater he so loved to wear.

Jihoon settled to gaze at the open eyes of their fallen hyung. Even though his face was even paler in the caress of the moonlight, Jihoon could remember the time when the black of his veins didn't bloom on his cheeks. When dust and dirt didn't form constellations on his face and chunks of them didn't decorate his lashes. When his lips  didn't curl into a permanent snarl and didn't break with forests of wounds that will never heal. When his eyes sparkled with mischief or warmth depending on the time of the day, and when his smile would cut through the most anxious of thoughts.

Jihoon held onto that image of Jeonghan instead as he folded into himself and pressed his lips on the cold of Jeonghan's skin. His tears fell on the crusted reds and browns and blacks of Jeonghan's face, and Jihoon wanted to do nothing but this all night: hold his hyung until someone would pry his fingers away.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

The whispers sounded louder in their fragile tranquility, when their groaning regressed to sobs, and their cries to ragged breaths. It fell into the backdrop of the gloomy night, right beside the songs of the crickets and the ignorant softness of the wind.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry…"

Joshua was holding Seungcheol, his back turned from Jeonghan, the gun he used lying beside him. Joshua's whispers were persistent, as if the amount of times he said it would lessen the burden of guilt in his heart.

Seungcheol was unmoving, unresponsive, and it's only then that Jihoon noticed that Joshua's strong embrace on his waist must have been the only thing keeping him upright. Their eldest looked straight ahead of him at nothing. At their past? At their future? At their lives without their warm angel? His gaze was so blank that if were not for the black of his irises, Jihoon would think…

Jihoon stifled a scream that bubbled in his throat. _Please_ , he prayed. He begged someone, anyone that could hear the endless pleading in his head. _Please. Let this be the last one. Let Jeonghan be the last one_. _Please_.

"Joshua-hyung," Soonyoung's voice was soft and stable even when it was marred with a scratch from his crying. It cut through Joshua's apologies that paused into breaths. "It's no one's fault. You… you saved us."

It was Joshua, who arrived just as Jeonghan was about to reach Seungcheol, who pulled the trigger from behind his best friend, his shot saving not just Seungcheol, but the rest of the boys who were too caught by shock and disbelief to do anything else but _stand there_. Joshua was the only one able… the only one strong enough to shoot Jeonghan for the same reason why Seungcheol can't. He loved Jeonghan too much.

Joshua's whispers went on, like the beat of the waves against the sea, unstopping even when Seungcheol moved a gentle hand to coax Joshua's head from the crook of his neck.

The whispered apologies erupted into wails, and he started to shake as he leaned into Seungcheol's touch. They couldn't see Joshua's expression when Seungcheol handed him his unused gun, and positioned his arms so that Joshua was holding the weapon against Seungcheol's forehead.

Jihoon's blood froze over.

"I'm so sorry, Seungcheol," Joshua breathed in between his sobs, his finger hovering dangerously above the trigger. Jihoon watched in horror as this event unfolded, and he couldn't move, not when Jeonghan and the rest of his friends surrounded him like a fence.

But everyone was just as stunned into silence and confusion as he was while they watched their two eldest friends in their small exchange. All of them held their breaths, afraid that a small sound would destroy their pretense of peace. At least… until Joshua dropped his hand holding the gun and his head fell against Seungcheol's chest. There was a collective gasp when the moonlight gleamed enough to reveal the pooling blood on Seungcheol's front shirt from where the bullet must have lodged on his chest.

 _Joshua's bullet_.

Someone was calling for kits and antiseptics, someone was standing up, stumbling over to respond to the call, and someone was moving over to reach for their leader, but it was Seungcheol, authoritative but kind, who told them to stop. Who told them it was too late.

Jihoon was looking at it, staring at it as if the intensity of his stare would scare the wound away, would shrink it, would make it disappear. But it remained on Seungcheol's shoulder, mocking Jihoon with a red smile.

A bite wound.

The gunshot… Joshua's shot was clean and perfect and was fired too late.

"I'm so sorry, Seungcheol."

"Jisoo," Seungcheol's voice was firm, his hand drawing gentle circles on Joshua's back. "Please?"

Joshua sat up straight, and Jihoon could only imagine the tears painting messy rivers on his cheeks. "You're asking too much, Cheol," he choked. "Two of you in one night?"

"Rather than all of us in one night," Seungcheol's gaze was soft, acceptant of his fate but not defeated. "It was our fault. We didn't… We couldn't that time. But now…"

The tension on Joshua's shoulder melted at Seungcheol's words. The hand gripping the gun was raised again, this time pressing on Seungcheol's temple.

"Please save them," Seungcheol whispered. "I'm sorry I won't be able to help you."

Joshua shook his head. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Joshuji," Seungcheol said with the smallest of smiles before he bent forward to take Joshua's lips in his.

Their three eldest rarely showed affection in front of the younger boys, but this was different. Everything was different when the kiss was both soft and urgent, yet sorrowful, and so _, so_ final, when it was punctuated by another gunshot, and when Joshua's whimpers sounded even louder afterwards.

Joshua didn't even give himself time to mourn. He only held Seungcheol for another second before laying him down carefully on the ground and then gathering himself to turn to the younger ones. His fringe was pasted on his forehead with crusted blood from when he was resting on Seungcheol's shoulder like a horrible crown of reminder.

But then, he smiled.

His brows were creased, and he was still crying, but his smile, _his smile_ , was so gentle. So brave. "We have to go," he said through his tears.

 

 

Two days ago, Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua encountered a huge hoard of the undead going to the direction of Andromeda during a scout. It was Jeonghan's stupid stubborn idea to lead them away, while Seungcheol and Joshua went back to prepare the community for a possible evacuation.

Jeonghan had promised to come back.

The completion of his promise came with the warning of the impending onslaught of the hoard. They had to go.

Joshua took charge, steady and unwavering. Even when his voice quivered, his gaze never lowered to the two bodies on the ground and only held the eyes of each of the boys alive with him. He instructed them to wake up the townspeople, one group to gather them and another group to prepare their transport for escape. The faster boys were to collect the rest of the ammunition they can find in the community and load up the car Seungcheol and Joshua prepared earlier for the same reason.

The nine remaining boys, in pain, in agony, in mourning, couldn't do anything but obey. They had a community to protect. They had people relying on them and they couldn't give up then. They can honor the deaths of their two eldest by protecting the rest of them. They can only rely on each other.

Joshua's words carried hope and so much love, they all separated their hold on Jeonghan one by one.

It was when Joshua's gaze fell on Jihoon that he saw. Jihoon saw that the same hope did not light up their hyung's eyes anymore.

"Remember," Joshua was saying as he stood up and took his and Seungcheol's gun, one for each of his hands. "They both loved you so much."

He took his time to walk to each of the boys to kiss them on the top of their heads. It was more than a gesture. It was as if it was from the three of them, their three oldest, giving the younger boys their strength and their love and the promise that they can survive without them if they only protected each other.

It was their good bye. The three of them. Joshua's, too.

The boys stood up one by one, ready to carry out their instructions, until only Jihoon was left, still cradling Jeonghan's head on his lap, and Soonyoung beside him.

"Jihoon," Joshua said, stern, and almost impatient. "You have to go."

"You're going to do what Jeonghan did," Jihoon stated. The decision was final for Joshua. No amount of tears will convince him otherwise. "You're going to create a distraction so the rest of us can leave."

Joshua's smile never dropped. Not when he patted Jihoon's cheek and then Jeonghan's.

"He's brave and foolish and selfless that even his last moments, he wanted to save all of us," Joshua said, caressing Jeonghan's face delicately as he would a sleeping baby. "We…" his voice cracked. "We can't even bury them."

Jihoon didn't even want to think about it, the fact that they were going to leave the bodies of two of the people they loved the most to be trampled on by the dead only because they… the bodies were weights. They would slow them down. They couldn't afford that. Even Seungcheol and Jeonghan wouldn't want that for them.

The two younger leaders helped Joshua take off Jeonghan's red sweater which he shrugged on himself, and after that, there was small transformation in Joshua. An air of confidence, a little insanity, and a lot of bravery. A mix of Seungcheol and Jeonghan in him. He looked like he can withstand the end of the world.

No one mentioned the bite wound on Jeonghan's forearm, deep, black and dried up, a wound from two days back.

That must have been the reason, Jihoon thought. The reason why the other two agreed to go home without him.  The only reason why they allowed him to sacrifice himself. Jeonghan was _dying_ , and it was the perfect excuse let the other two escape and save the rest of them.

"I'll stand with you, hyung."

" _Jihoon_ ," Soonyoung's tone was a dangerous whisper of disagreement.

Joshua only looked at them with his sad expression. "Please," he said, his voice too tired even to plead. "Please, just keep the younger kids safe. You're the only other two they can rely on."

Jihoon understood that- very much. But he also can't stomach the idea that Joshua had already given up. Jihoon can't accept that he was going to _allow_ Joshua to get himself killed. That he would lose another member of his family. He wanted Joshua to know he wasn't going to be alone.

" _We'll_ stand with you, hyung."

" _Soonyoung_." Jihoon's tone held the same bite as Soonyoung's only a few seconds ago. The stare Soonyoung gave him said he won't agree to Jihoon's plan to stay and defend otherwise.

"Promise me you'll run and save yourselves when the time comes?" Joshua asked them.

Jihoon was going to stay so he can save Joshua, and maybe with Soonyoung they can actually succeed. He knew Soonyoung knew the running thoughts in his head, and Jihoon trusted him enough to depend on him and see beyond his lie.

"Yes, hyung."

Joshua shook his head at them and laughed, delirious and insane. "Let's go then," he smiled with Jeonghan's playfulness and Seungcheol's courage. "We don't want to be late for the party."

They heard the groaning of the dead before they saw them.

 

 

They found themselves in the middle of Andromeda, walls alight with fire from Soonyoung's crazy but brilliant idea to burn the zombies when they reached their sanctuary. Those that survived the flames were shot down by three pairs of guns that never missed their targets.

But Joshua…

Joshua was too determined for this night to be his last.

He was screaming as he stalked forward and forward and forward, his shots straight and his bullets burying fast into the heads of the dead. Jihoon was calling for him, screeching for him to stop as he slowly followed his hyung's steps, but Joshua was coming close to the fire. Too close that when the walls crumbled down and a larger wave of the monsters passed through, Joshua swallowed by the crowd of bodies too quickly, the bright red sweater disappearing between the walking dead.

Jihoon didn't have time to react because Soonyoung took his hand and pulled him into a run away from the destroyed wall inward into the community, only glancing a few times to shoot down any zombies that were gaining up to them.

Jihoon pulled on Soonyoung's grip on him, making both of them stumble to a stop. He was angry and irrational, wanting to scream at Soonyoung that the plan was pull Joshua out with them, that all of them were supposed to make it out alive. But even before Jihoon could get a word out of his mouth, Soonyoung pushed him away just in time for a pillar to fall where he was standing a heartbeat ago. In his place was Soonyoung, his legs pinned against the structure above him.

Soonyoung must have been yelling in pain. Jihoon couldn't tell with the roar of the flames around them, the ringing inside his head and his own cries deafening him. He shot the lone zombie near their area before using the rest of his strength to push the pillar away from Soonyoung's body.

The relief was short-lived when Jihoon checked his legs and found there were no more than a few burn marks, and his heart sank at the thought that something must be broken underneath the skin.

"Soonyoung, get up," Jihoon groaned out as he bent down to take Soonyoung's hand to tug. "Soonyoung come on. We have to go."

Soonyoung's smile was warm but his grip was loose and his gaze on Jihoon distant. "Hi, gorgeous," he breathed with a small grin.

Jihoon shook his head. "No time for games, you idiot. We have to get out of here." He pulled on Soonyoung's hand, successfully getting the other boy to sit up, and supported his back until Soonyoung's weight was leaning heavily on him.

"Soonyoung," Jihoon muttered between his teeth. The fire was getting larger, and it was only a matter of time before it consumed everything in the community. Them included in it. "I'm going to need your help," Jihoon said, placing Soonyoung's arm around his shoulder. "On three, okay?" He felt Soonyoung nod beside him so he held on Soonyoung's waist and pulled them up on his third breath. Soonyoung cried out in agony almost immediately, Jihoon had to make him lie down again.

"Fine," Jihoon said firmly. He was not about to give up. "I'm going to carry you on my back." He ignored the way Soonyoung's eyes were glassy, filling with tears and Jihoon knew it was not from the pain.

The dead were gathering near them, three walking in circles where Soonyoung was lying. They paid the couple no mind, hypnotized by the lights of the flames but Jihoon couldn't take any chances. He raised his gun and pulled the trigger.

 _Click_.

 _Click click click click click click_.

"Jihoon?"

"Shut up Soonyoung," Jihoon hissed, taking his other gun to aim at another zombie.

 _Click_. _Clickclickclickclickclickclickclick._

"Jihoon."

"I told you to shut up," Jihoon snapped at him, rummaging for both of Soonyoung's guns this time. Both responded with the same heartbreaking clicks.

" _Woozi-ya_."

That name, so old, so soft, so sweet, pulled Jihoon's gaze to Soonyoung's.

"Can we stay here for a while? I'm tired."

Jihoon wanted to say no, he would drag Soonyoung out of there if that was the last thing he was going to do. He couldn't lose anyone anymore. Not after Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Joshua. But Soonyoung squeezed his hand, and all the fight was drained out of him. Jihoon crouched down beside him, and watched his chest rise and fall. Rise and fall. Rise and fall.

The background noise of the flames and the dead was reduced to silence, and all Jihoon can hear was Soonyoung's breaths, uneven and ragged, clinging painfully to the last strings of life.

Jihoon laced his fingers with Soonyoung's, the way it always should be. He bent down when he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't accept the end of this story, couldn't accept that it was probably his fault. If only they didn't stop running. If only they went with the others. If only they'd listened to Joshua the first time…

Jihoon kissed Soonyoung with all he had, all the sweet, the bitter, the lonely and the happy. He broke  his walls and bared his heart to the person who held his world so carefully in his hands. Soonyoung's fingers played with his hair, and Jihoon wondered if he was going to miss this. Would he miss Soonyoung when he died? Would he miss the way their fingers fit perfectly with each other? Would he miss the way Soonyoung made him laugh in the least appropriate moments?

Would death ever be strong enough to separate the two of them?

Jihoon didn't even realize he was whispering three words over and over until Soonyoung was laughing into their kisses, mouthing the same words to him.

 _I love you_.

Jihoon pulled back to gaze at Soonyoung, his eyes still warm, kind and so bright that not even death can dull.

Soonyoung's hand came up to cup his cheeks and wipe his tears uselessly. They keep flowing, anyway, and never stopped. Jihoon didn't even know when he started crying. "It's okay," Soonyoung smiled. "We're going to be okay."

That was hard to believe in the situation they were in, but Jihoon's world began to shrink into a tiny bubble, a little space which consisted only of him and Soonyoung and this moment they had with each other. This short time they had left. Jihoon believed him. He didn't believe in hope anymore, but he believed in Soonyoung. They were going to be okay.

" _Oeroun saramdeurui…"_

Jihoon choked when Soonyoung started singing.

" _Maeumeul yeoreojul geoya…_ "

The words were too familiar that Jihoon had to laugh and slap Soonyoung's chest lightly with their linked hands. Even when he coughed a bit, Soonyoung kept singing.

" _Memareun gaseumsogeun jeok syeojul melody_."

Soonyoung's pace was slowed by his dyspnea. The song was off-rhythm and off-key, but Jihoon had never heard anything sung as beautifully as Soonyoung did right then.

" _Seulpeume gieok deurui gippeumeul chaewojul geoya."_

Soonyoung moved their linked hands from below his mouth where he was pretending he was holding a mic to nearer Jihoon's face, passing the next lines to him.

" _Neomchineum eumak soge rideumul_."

The next verse they sang together, gazes not leaving each other.

" _Sha la li la, li la li la li…"_

Acceptance came slow and soft. This was it, Jihoon thought. This was how they were going to die, surrounded by flames and the dead gathering around them. At least they were together, Jihoon smiled. At least they had each other.

The last months of Jihoon's life had been difficult and painful because of the end of the world, but it was more than bearable. Jihoon actually felt alive. It was filled with color and laughter and love with Soonyoung beside him.

Soonyoung was with him. That was the only thing that mattered.

" _Sha la li la…_ "

They finished their small performance, probably their last, and Jihoon closed his eyes. Jihoon wanted this last happy memory of them together be ingrained so deep into his heart that death won't be able to steal it from him. Their song. Their chemistry. Soonyoung's breaths and smiles and warmth enveloping him even in the end of the world. And the end of his lifetime.

He lifted his head up as opened his eyes, hoping to see the galaxies one last time before his end, but all he saw were the flames taller than ever and the thick smoke suffocating the last of life in Andromeda. Jihoon laughed. Hope was cruel, but it was okay. He was at peace. He had calm in his heart. The only star he needed was right at the ground with him. This time he was ready for that good bye, for that last smile. That last kiss. His gaze sought Soonyoung's and the eyes that greeted him were big and bright… and urgent?

Jihoon didn't know what to think but he knew he should have expected it when a body collided with his, the red of the jacket unmistakable.

 

 

 

They abolished the systems of fixed units. Although it was already loose during their times in the walls, their automatic response to emergency situations had always been falling back into their units: Vocal, Performance, and Hiphop.

It was a small reminder of the life they had, but even that they had to forego. Even the memory of it was too painful for any one of them to bear.

They didn't want to do units anymore. Grouping by age lines would be worse. The glaring blanks in the group stood out more prominently in any kind of grouping. No one needed reminding.

Instead, the rotated in pairs with each other. No one was to go out alone and unarmed. Guns were not the only weapons required, they were also given short range weapons: knives, machetes and axes.

Jisoo was attached to the axe Seungcheol used even before their time in the walls, and he never took off Jeonghan's sweater. His eyes never sparkled the way it did before, and his smiles were always broken, but he's alive. A part of him died with Seungcheol and Jeonghan but another part of him was healing along with the younger boys.

Jihoon knew they were all grateful he was alive.

Jeonghan's jacket held the scent of death that the zombies ignored Joshua that night the walls were attacked. Even surrounded by the hoard, defenseless and alone, he was kept alive, as if Jeonghan was protecting him, scolding him that he shouldn't give up. That he should fight back. That Jeonghan wanted him alive. He and Seungcheol did.

Jisoo had joked that he thought the two just wanted all the fun to themselves, and no one  laughed with him, everyone too relieved by the fact that he was still with them.

He saved all of them. Just like he told Seungcheol he would.

 

 

They're back to their previous nomadic life, but this time with more of them. More lives they care about than ever. They were going to look for another place they can settle in. It was going to be a never ending cycle, but this was their life now. The most important part of it was keeping everyone else alive with them.

Soonyoung was strumming on Jihoon's guitar inside the school bus they're using for transport. He'd learned how to play in the long times he wasn't allowed to stand or walk while he healed. Fortunately, they had a nurse in their community, and with a few scavenging in clinics, they were able to save Soonyoung's legs.

Soonyoung was playing  _Put Your Heart_ again, and Jihoon glared at him, annoyed at their little secret. They never told anyone about their close call with death, the moment too private for anyone else to find out, and their friends were all kind enough not to pry. But Jihoon felt closer to Soonyoung than ever. Now that they've proven that even death can't keep them apart.

When Soonyoung was done teasing him with the final verse of the song that Jihoon didn't dare sing (else he would cry), they settled in the quiet that descended on both of them. Soonyoung set aside the guitar and reached out his hand, and Jihoon took it without hesitation, the movement already a reflex for both of them.

"I miss them."

Soonyoung only gave him a sad smile that must be reflective of his own.

"All the time."

"I miss them, too," Soonyoung said and tugged on their hands so Jihoon would sit next to him.

Jihoon rested his head on Soonyoung's shoulder, and let the tears he'd been holding back to flow. He cried more often after the attack on the walls, even more often than the other boys. They would catch each other in the middle of the day, trying to mute their sniffling and quieting their sobs. Handkerchiefs and torn shirts were passed around in silence and in knowledge that all of them were still in mourning. Three months after the incident.

"When will it stop hurting?" Jihoon muttered out loud, not really expecting an answer.

"Jeonghan-hyung," Soonyoung began slowly and Jihoon tensed at the name. They haven't spoken their names in a long time. "When he was bit, Jisoo hyung said he listed all the things they had to remember when taking care of us."

Soonyoung laughed as if the thought tickled something in him, although Jihoon still didn't understand what was funny about it.

"He told them to remember to get extra sheets because Mingyu hates being cold. To always hug Chan before he sleeps, because the dark scares him. To always sing the first verse of the song because Seokmin wouldn't sing otherwise."

That sounded very much like Jeonghan, Jihoon thought, his tears flowing even more at the thought.

"He told them to kiss us goodbye."

Jihoon remembered that, Jisoo's small but firm kiss for all of them the night of the attack. When it felt like a good bye from all three of them.

"He told them to remember your guitar. He said I'd be angry if they forgot, and then you'd be cranky when I'm angry."

Jihoon used the back of his hand to slap his boyfriend's stomach.

"What? Was this supposed to comfort me?" Jihoon complained. "You just made me miss him even more."

Soonyoung laughed softly, the sound muffled by Jihoon's hair before saying, "I think… he misses us, too. They miss us as much as we miss them."

This was their life now: scavenge, rest, run, kill and protect. A cycle, a marathon against death.  And Jihoon would wrestle against death and even hope to keep the rest of his family alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Long end notes ahead! But you can scroll past this to the last three paragraphs haha
> 
> I can't believe the first time I'm using the jihancheol tag is for something like this TT the tag deserves a lot better, I know, but I really _really_ couldn't take my mind off Jeonghan's zombie costume. Not after I posted a zombie apocalypse AU right before their vlive. when I saw zombie Jeonghan i just screameddd because whyyyyy
> 
> i know... im sorry. jeonghan is my number one love and it was painful to put him through this. and seriously, i cant imagine how jisoo was holding up after the story. i believe that he is the strongest and bravest out of the three eldest, probably the most mature, too, and he loved the other two more than he does himself and i think i just hurt myself thinking this
> 
> the last part, switching joshua's name to jisoo was intended. i think jisoo told the members to call him jisoo again, since it was the name he used when he met jeonghan and seungcheol for the first time. it's probably his way of remembering the two of them.
> 
> Title of the story (Stay in My Life) is another NCT song, because NCT song titles are story-worthy. The [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNnWdTPI81U) matches the theme of the story very much, too.
> 
> If you're a fan of The Walking Dead, you probably noticed that Andromeda is loosely patterned on Alexandria. But only very loosely. The whole thing is loosely patterned on all the zombie things I've watched which is not a lot because I'm a scaredy cat. (A little background: Soonhoon + Jisoo weren't supposed to make it out alive in the original idea. I don't know how it changed to this... but I'm actually glad they made it.)
> 
> Last note! If you guys didn't get it, the song Soonyoung sang when he couldn't move was Put Your Heart, the Moonlight Angel OST, the anime that got soonhoon together. _THE_ Soonhoon song. Here's the [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMBL8R_pViE) to the time the two of them sang the song together. I originally wanted to use You Are My Sunshine, since it was my previous soonhoon headcanon that YAMS is the soonhoon theme song until I found out about Put Your Heart.
> 
> there we go. thank you so much for reading! I was so scared to post this, because the themes were so dark... and I was reluctant to tag knowing people wouldn't read THIS much angst. The fact that you still clicked on this story and made it to the end means so so much to me already. Thank you so much. But it would be nice if you guys also told me what you think bc i honestly don't know what to think haha. this was _a lot_ to write... i hope you liked it despite it being what it is. :>
> 
> (im not sure if i want to post how i think jeonghan got bit... i think i need to go look for my heart first)


End file.
